Friday, 7 January 2011

It is only our willingness to feel worse that will make us feel better

When we are not as happy as we would like to be or when we have a feeling of lack, we tend to believe it is our willingness to feel better that is going to make us feel happy again. At least we think that it is the first step to feel great. We also like to stay in the emotional state we are in. If we are feeling down at home and watching television, we tend to want to stay there. Of course we are going to stay there if we believe that our willingness to feel good is what makes us feel good. I mean, we are already feeling down, why would we get up and spend more energy? That would make us feel even worse and it would drastically go against our willingness to feel good.

It is the same thing when we are at the club (or wherever we like to socialize). If we are sitting there comfortably with our friends, drinking and looking around, of course we want to stay there. We want to be happy, so why would we stupidly run around and approach people that might not like us? That is spending a lot of energy on something that might turn out bad. Idiotic we think, and light another cigarette.

I used to be that guy. Not anymore though. Sure, there are times when I just sit there with a glass of beer and literally do nothing. But you see, I only do that if I feel good already. I do not sit there and believe that it is going to make me feel any better. If that is what you are doing, you are making excuses. Some people do not even realize that if you are not doing anything due to a belief (it is my willingness to feel good that is going to make me feel good) that they are making excuses and not taking responsibility for the quality of their experience.

It is difficult for me to grasp how some people want to socialize and have fun but at the same time not taking action towards that goal. From my point of view, the people I am talking about here are usually guys but occasionally you see a group of girls in the same kind of mood. If you ask these guys why they are not approaching girls I have found out that they usually say that they do not want to get rejected. Well, is not this the ultimate kind of chodery?

If you would have asked the caveman back in cavemen days why he did not go out and hunt animals for food, would he tell you that he did not want to because of the risk of getting killed? No he decided to step up and take responsibility for himself and his people and go and kill those animals. On the rare occasion he would get killed. But again, we are approaching girls here, not lions.

It is only our willingness to feel worse that is going to make us feel better.

The willingness to be rejected and fail in the context of approaching girls will serve you well. Furthermore the principle can be applied to pretty much anything in your life. Your work, your health, your financial situation and in your relationships. Apply it to anything. If you are sitting there and skimming through different articles on RSDN in spite of taking action, think of this.

Let us bring it back to social conditioning guys. Think of what advertisement tries to put in our heads. The magic pill mentality. They are basically saying that if we just get this product or service we will become happy and never really have to feel bad again. Hell, a lot people are even chasing circumstances and external things their whole life that they believe will make them happy and protect them from ever feeling bad again. In spite of really living and realizing that feeling bad now and then is not going to kill you. I do not want that passive shit. I say fuck that. I want to live on my edge in a state comfortable uncertainty. Did you join this community thinking that if you just understand and apply what RSD teaches you will become perpetually happy and never risk to feel bad ever again? Well, think again.

It is actually the complete opposite of that. It comes down to defying social conditioning and realizing the truth about your limiting beliefs. And letting go of them, one after another. To me, it is about letting go of these shelters and layers that protects us from feeling vulnerable. And you know, feeling vulnerable can really suck if you are not used to it. But if you live your life through that feeling, plenty of opportunities will start to show up for you and eventually you will start to feel comfortable with your vulnerability. A man who is comfortable with feeling vulnerable is an attractive man.

(It is only our willingness to feel worse that will make us feel better, a quote from the book Radical Honesty written by Brad Blanton.)

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