I am deeply starting to internalize the principles I have been studying throughout high school. What does it mean to trust yourself? What is core confidence? Why have I been so hard on myself for so long for no apparent reason? Why did I cry about my weight when growing up even though I was totally in shape and had the perfect amount of body fat? Why did I hate myself?
It starts to make sense now. Reality is entirely subjective, and you are in charge of it, weather you know it or not. I have been chasing circumstances and outcomes to be able to fill the empty place inside of myself and by believing that if I create a sense of self that has the best reflection in the eyes' of others, I will be happy. And I still do. We all do it to an extent and very few of us will be able to entirely erase the approval seeking pattern.
There is a time and place for me to tell my story. To take a deep breath and really look within. To let what I want to express about my past arise. To hold it and shape it. That time, however, is not now.
Now is a time to ask yourself a question. Why do you like yourself? Is it because you have worked so hard and finally your income is 40k a month? Is it because you finally hooked up with that beautiful bitch at the club? I mean, why in the name of god, are we guys so far up our own asses when it comes to girls? It is just a girl. She just wants to have fun. So should you.
And furthermore, how are we even able to create such a retarded “means to an end” identity for them? The alpha man back in cave man times did not give a damn about if the girls gave him approval or not. He just decided to step the fuck up and do what he could, to be able to carry himself through the world with the most strength and with the most ease. However, I believe that a man's core purpose in life is to be such a powerful and strong man that he is the best possible option for a woman. To take care of her. To create a feeling of security for her.
This is where most guys do not realize what to do. They do not realize that they have to flip the coin. To become a man who attracts beautiful girls you first have to become the man you want to become. Not after you have been with hundreds of girls can you tap yourself on your back and give yourself approval. No, the woman and the sex is not even the outcomes to strive for. It is a byproduct in process of becoming the man you want to become.
Society shapes us. It shapes us to look at the surface of things. To be confident in life we have to own the right things. We have to get the right job. We have to look good. We have to wear the best clothes. We have to manipulate our way through layers of bullshit to finally be able to like ourselves and others. We have to climb.
A lot of people believe that happiness comes from this, but ultimately happiness comes from being who we are meant to be. Doing what we want. Doing what we deep down NEED to do to be able to evolve as a species. Start to look beneath the surface. Do not attach yourself to external things. Do not tell yourself that your own value and sense of entitlement comes from your job, your car or your beautiful wife. It comes from within. Stop the desperate climb guys. You are already at the top.