Sunday, 12 December 2010

My triangle for fulfillment part one; having a vision

When I first thought of a title for this article, the word success came to mind. So instead of ”My triangle for self fulfillment” it would have been ”My triangle for success”. But then, I realized that what I am about to share my views on is not really about success. To me success has always been about doing or achieving something that someone else wants you to, whether it comes from your mother or the subtle social norms where you live. After a moment of contemplation I found the word fulfillment to fit the context better. Instead of living up to what other people wants you to do, most of the time without even realizing that you are doing it, it comes down to doing what you want to do in life. Therefor fulfilling the self.

The reason I call it a triangle for self fulfillment is that each part of the triangle enhances the rest. Furthermore, even though you are not congruent with one part of the triangle, you can definitely have the others parts down. And vice versa. I believe that there are plenty of people out there that has one or two parts of the triangle, but misses the last, whatever that last part is.

The first part of the triangle is having a clear vision. By clear I mean a vision that not only symbolizes and radiates what you would like your life to be, but exactly what you want out of life. The clearer the vision the better. Anthony Robbins, who is a motivational speaker as well as a writer, says that we get what we ask out of life, we just do not ask precisely enough. Ask and it is a given, is a book that touches on this topic.

Visions change. Imagine them like what we aim our everyday arrows at. Or that picture in the back of our heads that we keep on moving towards, but that we will never be able to grasp it and hold it entirely. And as the path of our lives changes, which it inevitably does whether we like it or not, the beautiful picture in our minds changes with it. However what is extremely liberating and beautiful about this is that the picture we paint ourselves. So instead of trying to control everything by having a very rigid idea of how you would like things in your life to be, or even a rigid self- image, which is even worse, we can create and recreate a vision in our minds that keeps us inspired and motivated.

An example of how one's vision changes could be that, at first when you are younger and less experienced, your vision of how you want things to be in your life circles around other people approving you and loving you and how popular and high status you are. Then, as you become older and has a bunch of reference experiences that validates the fact that you actually are loved and approved by other people, you start to see the world as a place of giving more than taking. Perhaps your vision of life is more about you offering people authentically from your heart, as well as other people doing the same to you. The last vision sounds more beautiful right? Sure it does, however there is nothing wrong with the first one either. For the person having the first vision, it is equally beautiful to him as the second vision is to the older, more experienced man or woman. Rather than seeing it as insecure and needy, it can be seen as a necessary part of their development.

I believe that there are a lot of human beings out there that are stuck in viewing reality in a certain way. They think it should be like this or that, otherwise it messes with them in some way. The thing is, there is no such thing as an objective reality, I believe. Only subjective. That is why it is so important and powerful to create the vision that you want for your life, what your core desires. Not what society expects from you, but more what you expect for yourself.

There are two very similar expressions, one from eastern philosophy that goes “Float like water” and one which I do not really know the source of that is “Go with the flow”. The first one indicates that you go with the current of the world, and as the world changes, just like a river-path does, you change with the world just as water smoothly follows the river path. The second one however, to me, is more about unresponsively following other people's paths and unconsciously listening to what external forces tell you to do, tell you how to act and so on.

Another thing that determines the “strength and effectiveness” of your vision is how compelling it is. If your vision is clear and changeable, it is most likely useful for you but you might keep it in the back of your mind without really paying that much attention to it. Without focusing your inner burning desire on it. However, if it is compelling I believe it can be very effective for you. By compelling I mean that it is something that you want to come back to, again and again and again. Like that incredibly interesting book that you just cant put down.

Then the question arises: what makes a compelling vision? It is different from person to person, what is compelling to one guy, is not to another. Furthermore you could ask yourself what really makes you believe your exact vision to be so compelling. Like, what is it that makes me want this in my life so much. To me, this is very interesting yet difficult to determine. I believe the most basic of our desires are more instincts than anything, like replication for example. (Actually I would go as far as to say that most of what we do is in order to replicate and spread valuable genes, if not everything). Then I think there are more superficial desires that changes from one generation to the next. I advice that you try to distinguish which of your desires comes from the superficial(externally validated) position and which ones comes from the more primal position, and that you focus your burning desire more on the primal ones, without disapproving the superficial ones. Sex is a perfect example of a primal desire that every human being has. Stop and think about how many of your habits are based in the need of chasing sex.

To summarize, I believe there are three main parts of what makes a good vision. (Keeping in mind that every vision is subjective.) How clear it is, if it is able to change and how compelling it is.
One might ask something like: but if it is clear, how is it then possible to change? It is. But believe me to change your vision but still having it crystal clear all the time is not something you accomplish over night.

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