Happiness is not something you can get. It is something you create. Growing up we are subconsciously taught, from soaking in social conditioning, that enjoyment comes from the never-ending stimulation through the media, for example. And that happiness is all about achieving certain things – the classic example would be becoming a celebrity and the massive attention that comes with that is in some way going to make us happy. That is, to me, truly absurd.
Sure, achieving certain things in life is great. But it is a byproduct of happiness, not what causes it. The same thing with being approved in any way, shape or form. Fully believing that achieving, getting stuff or being massively approved is going to make us happy is a form of neediness. Flip the coin. If you are happy, how easy is it to be approved by somebody? If you are happy, is it not much easier to go through with a project or fulfill a goal or even just to fucking do the most simple thing, then if you are doing it purely to gain something from doing it.
Well, now the question arises – how do we become happy? What makes us feel really fucking good? I mean getting shit can surely feel great, for a very little while. To portray this I want to tell you about my last Christmas experience. First of all I believe that Christmas is actually pretty fucked up, in way we view it(specially the way we condition our children to view it). The way we celebrate Christmas is the complete opposite of what actually, underneath the surface, is the main reason to even give a damn about it at all. To me Christmas comes down to get back to the fundamentals of things. Like, the Jesus- dude was born that day, that is how fundamental it is. But what do we do? We condition ourselves to believe that a good Christmas is all about buying the right gifts(and furthermore receiving the ones we want), to cook and eat the most delicious food and arrange everything as perfect as humanly possible. And last but not least that all this should make us happy. My mother cried throughout the entire Christmas-period due to how stressed she was.
(By the way, there surely are people out there that celebrate this holiday in an entirely different way, which is great. I am only speaking from my own experience here.)
Furthermore, during the holidays I have been feeling quite sick. I have not been able to leave the house, which inevitably lead to the fact that I could not buy anything at all to my parents and friends. Instead, in order to be able to keep up with the Christmas norms I told my mum and dad to buy me the gifts. When it was time to open these fancy packages I have to admit that I felt very excited about it. (To prove the point that I am not above this social conditioning shit at all, I fall into these patterns even though I consciously study them.) And surely I got what I wanted.
Did this make me happy?
Yes, for two minutes. In fact after these two minutes I felt a strong feeling of lack. What the fuck? I got what I wanted. Why do I feel this? Again, getting something will never make us feel fulfilled or completely happy. However, while reading this you might think “well, I understand that happiness comes from giving and not taking”. That is great, but I believe that we all have plenty of habits that we ultimately are not really aware of which are based on the belief that getting things will make us happy in some way. The most obvious one could be that you understand that watching television all day and getting stimulation is not going to make you perpetually happy. But believe me there are other examples that are muuuuch more subtle than that. Especially in social contexts. Examine yourself. What is that you are still doing that is based on believing that getting something will make you happy. In any fucking way.
Let me explain what real happiness is about to me. Keep in mind that what I going to lay out here is not in any way “the official way to become happy”(which would be the exact opposite of what I am trying to tell you as well as another form of conditioning.) From my point of view, to really “understand” happiness you need to keep two things in mind. The first one has to do with purpose. Is what I am doing right now(not only your longterm purpose but every minute) in alignment with my purpose? If you are at the gym, is what you are doing in alignment with becoming healthy, building muscles or whatever the reason you are there for, or are you simply going to the gym and chatting with your friends to waste some time so you can tell yourself and your dad that you went to the gym that day? If you have decided to evolve socially and you are out at a venue with a lot people, are you actually doing something that is in alignment with that purpose? The purpose to grow. Or are you longingly looking at the beautiful girls that are perpetually smiling and seems to have a good time? Just going out is simply not enough.
The thing with doing stuff that is in alignment with your purpose, is that it does not necessarily create happiness right away. Most of the time it does not. Remind yourself of this, every time you do not get the outcome you want. Actually if what you are doing is in alignment with your purpose how can you possible fail or let yourself down? One might ask, and I see this on this forum all the time, how do I stay motivated if I am not getting any results?
“I mean approached eleven girls last night but only two of them turned around and gave me attention.”
Great, that is two more girls than if you would have stayed at home and watched Horatio speak his one liners left and right(again).
Furthermore, and this is the key to understand why having a clear purpose is even valuable at all and how having a purpose combined with this will make you inspired, motivated and happy. The key is to know that what you do will offer value to other people. To contribute. Think about this. You can apply this principle to basically everything in your life. Your social life, your work, your writing, your teaching and so on. The more things you do in order to make other people happy(which definitely is not the same thing as serving them), the happier you will become. It is close to impossible to be perpetually motivated and enthusiastic in life if what you are doing, your purpose, is not about offering other people value and furthermore to contribute to something much greater than yourself. Society for example.
Why do you want to fuck girls? To brag about it to your friends or to one day be able to teach dudes that came from the same position of fear as you did? To feel superior when a girl takes it in her mouth or to realize that living in sexual abundance and constant intimacy will increase all areas of your life so you can contribute even more to the world? Why do you want to be a social outgoing and fun guy? To impress other people with your personality or to simply put a fucking smile on other peoples' faces?
To contribute to the world is one thing to me and another thing to you. Owen said in the Blueprint(a series of dvds about attracting women if you are not familiar to RSD). That guys who join the community in order to attract and make love to women do no really find the happiness they wanted, the happiness they thought it would give them. Does that mean it makes them severally depressed? Not necessarily. It made me, though. (If you have not realized yet that all the stuff RSD speak about in their marketing copies of their products is not the end of all this, you have simply not come very far on your journey).
At first, you take more value than what you offer. It is simply a part of the process. If you are in that part yourself do not be hard on yourself, but remind yourself that life ultimately is not about getting results(beautiful women) but to contribute to the world. (To teach how to attract beautiful women, for example, as well as giving them long orgasms a long the way).
If you are familiar with RSD you have definitely heard about “offering value”. The thing is, you will not offer value if you do something so you can tell yourself that you are fucking awesome because you are offering value. That is the opposite of offering value. If you offer value you are simply awesome. If you tell yourself that you are going to offer value just because you have heard that this will make you happy, you are not going to offer value. (You can to an extent, I guess. But it will not feel nor appear genuine). You offer value because you want to offer value.
This became a long fucking post and I want to end it by saying that at first, when you offer value, resistance will surface. Actually a kind of resistance that feels very much like the resistance you feel in your body when somebody tries to take value from you. However do not let this stop you, use your willpower to push through it. Eventually you will feel good. Pretty fucking good.
If you have not realized it yet, the title for this article is a scam, it will not make you happy. But if you like it be sure to check out my blog.