The next part of my triangle for self fulfillment (I am starting to like that phrase more and more by the way.) is being in charge. You could also call it to create your own reality. Nelson Mandela said “I am in charge of my own destiny.” What I mean by this is not to control the people and things around you, but rather to be in control. To fully understand this concept I want to talk about something that you probably have heard of, and that is that there is an outer world and then there is an inner world. Ultimately these “worlds” are not separate, however I like to refer to them as they were. Furthermore there is one reality in which we can see, walk, touch etc and then there is our inner world. Our psyche, our unconscious mind and so on. (Sorry for my poor use of language here but I assume that you get the point.)
To create your own reality, to manifest the vision that you want so badly, you have to realize that this can not only be done by controlling the outer world. It is done by changing the inner world, (also referred to as “inner game”) so that it gives you what you want. To elaborate on this point to make it crystal clear for you too see exactly what I am talking about here I want to give a social example. Imagine someone who deep down assumes that everyone is his friend. This is not something taking place in the outer world, but rather something taking place in the inner world of this person. Sure, it might radiate from him that he has this belief, however that is not the point. Imagine this person socializing and how much more friendly people would be towards him than if he assumed that everyone is an enemy. He is basically creating a “self fulfilling – prophecy” for himself that comes from his inner world, however giving him things(reactions or whatever you would imagine in a social situation) in the outer world.
Ultimately, being in charge comes down to how you set up your inner world. How you expect people to be around you, how you react towards abusive or insulting behavior, how you cope with strong authorities, how you filter and view the social conditioning bombarding you everyday through the media, how peer pressure affects your decision making and how you deal with old socially approved beliefs, norms and ideals that can hold you back.
All those are examples of things that can hold us back and get us off our path, to make us not be in charge. Ultimately you cannot really control these factors and influences(you can try and sure you can control some of them to an extent, but I advice you not to try at all), but what you can do is to set up a strong inner world that fits you the best and creates the most effective self-fulfilling prophecy possible. Furthermore you create an inner world that filters out what you do not get any value from at all, for example other people lamely complaining about you or trying to put you down. Personally I have found that when I am really creating a self fulfilling prophecy for myself I do not even have the energy to give a damn about what other people think of me, for example. By the way, a social self fulfilling prophecy is just one sort of self fulfilling prophecy, and the reason I chose to give it as an example is that it is the easiest one to portray.
So, being in control comes down to having a strong inner world. And by a strong inner world I do not mean a world that is very rigid and unable to change, but rather a world that you are in alignment with. Furthermore, a world that fits you the best in the context of your life and creates the ultimate self fulfilling prophecy.
To elaborate further on being in control I want to introduce the concept of having a purpose. This is probably the key to being in control of your life. Without having a purpose there is not much to be in control of. Having a purpose goes back to the first part of the triangle, however there are two ways in which one can have a purpose. Firstly there is the longterm purpose, the vision. And then there is a short term purpose that has more to do with your everyday actions and habits. I believe that it is extremely important that your everyday actions and habits move you as effectively as possible towards your longterm purpose, or vision.
The difference between having a purpose or not in a situation can be a very subtle thing yet very different. For example, sitting on a couch and resting can be done in two very different ways. One way is to sit sloppy with bad posture and unconsciously letting your mind wander off in projections of future scenarios or recalling previous events. Another way is to consciously focus on your breathing and sit with good posture in a yet relaxed way.
If your vision is to become extremely healthy and get a good looking body, every time you drink a glass of water instead of a coca cola you can gladly approve yourself and give yourself credit that you are moving towards your vision and living in alignment with your purpose.
In conclusion, you want to strive for something in your life. You know, your beautiful vision. You want to move towards positive, uplifting outcomes, however realizing that it all ultimately comes from within. You want to realize that you are the one creating your own beliefs and standards. It is completely up to you to even care if you get the outcome you want. Of course, by reading this you will not immediately be in charge of everything in your life, but you can start to realize that it comes down to setting up an inner world entirely of your own choosing. And more practically you can change your focus to the inner instead of the outer, holding your awareness within yourself instead of chasing around looking for the best possible external circumstances in the world.
However the golden link between part one and part two in the triangle is taking action. Without that no one will ever fulfill or accomplish anything. This article, however, will not circle around taking action as that covers material for an almost equally long article as this one.
To me that is the two first parts of the triangle for self- fulfillment, and ultimately the most important ones. However I realize that both of them are very theoretical and might just work as some kind of source for intellectual understanding, masturbation if you will. So, I wanted to write in a more practical fashion. If you have read about the two first parts you might ask “BUT HOW??” The problem is that there is no ultimate answer to that question. Essentially the only valuable thing I can give you is a map. And the map is not the territory. I personally have no idea where you are in your life at the moment(if I do not know you, I just might) what your “sticking points” are or where you are stuck in your personal development. Because to me that this is ultimately what this is all about. Personal development.
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